The Art of Self-Alignment
Who am I and how do I be her?
State of the Over Thinker
An update on my life and the thoughts I’ve been thinking
Allergies finally hit me in the middle of May and I found myself each morning amidst a pile of Kleenex and contemplating a move to a beach town where both my problems and the allergens couldn’t follow me.
I’ve been feeling restless and untethered; unable to get any of my thoughts to crystallize enough to be held in my consciousness, but the theme of May, and therefore this newsletter, that percolated to the forefront is the idea of living in line with the authentic self.
But what does that mean? How does one go about determining which versions of themselves are the closest to their true identity and which are masks? Which versions should one build their life around? And once that is decided…then what?
In answer to this question, I found an interesting definition of “self-connection” in an abstract on the National Library of Medicine website titled “The Importance of Awareness, Acceptance, and Alignment With the Self: A Framework for Understanding Self-Connection”. It listed three components: “1) an awareness of oneself, 2) an acceptance of oneself based on this awareness, and 3) an alignment of one's behavior with this awareness.”
On the first count, honestly, I thought I had been doing fine, being the overthinker and hyper-self-analyzer that I am. Then I found myself fighting back tears on the treadmill at the gym (I don’t cry easily in public, so it wasn’t much of a fight) as I listened to Jane Fonda read a T. S. Elliot quote to Julia Luis Dreyfus’s on the latter’s new podcast, “Wiser Than Me”.
“We shall not cease from exploration, and the end of all our exploring will be to arrive where we started and know the place for the first time.” - T. S. Eliot “Little Gidding,” Four Quartets
I became fascinated with the idea we should take seriously the interests of our childhood when trying to chart a path in our adulthood. The idea that the core of who we are has always been there, long before it was covered by the thoughts of our parents, our peers, and society as a whole. I think it’s a useful exercise for anyone to look back at the things that excited them as a child, and find the themes; the thread that connects those interests. Do those interests still hold a prominent place in your life? Or did you drop the string somewhere along the way?
I had plenty of interests as a child, but the theme I found when looking back at them was creativity and imagination. A love for storytelling, performing, and also a love for language.
So now I needed to move on to “acceptance of oneself based on this awareness.”
I had to accept the truest version of me might be the dreamy, artistic version, that I have spent most of my life all but ignoring in service of the smart and put-together version I thought I should be.
A particular piece of writing that spoke to me on this subject was Mary Oliver’s essay, “Of Power and Time,” in which she talks about the creative self. She refers to it as “the third self, occasional in some of us, tyrant in others.” The way Oliver describes it as “being out of love with the ordinary” and “being out of love with time” is so beautiful and accurate. She ends the essay with this:
“The most regretful people on earth are those who felt the call to creative work, who felt their own creative power restive and uprising, and gave to it neither power nor time.”
I do not want to be one of those regretful people. I want to accept this version of myself that has been present since my earliest memories and live a life aligned with it.
This brings us to the third component: “an alignment of one's behavior with this awareness.”
I spent the month trying to take steps to structure my life in a way more in line with my creative self. I took time to recognize during the past two years of sharing my writing on social media, I have found a feeling of community as well as a sense of self I had often been lacking (though, I hid it well).
This led me to think about the importance of community and the difference between friendship and community. How the two are different, but not entirely separate; having one helps in having the other and vice versa. Having solid friendships makes it easier to go out in the world and find community, and having a supportive community makes it easier to be the kind of person comfortable in friendships.
So I decided to focus on finding communities where I can be my authentic self. I went to a few book clubs, which I loved, and I tried to go to a book-fair event, but I was a bit let down by that. So I think I’m making progress on this step, but it will take some time and require that I keep showing up.
All in all, May was a month of discovery and acceptance, but more importantly a month of taking steps to live in alignment with myself.
The Art of Overthinking
A creative writing piece based on the thoughts of the month
Papier-mâché
The Elmer’s glue (or flour if you choose) and the warm water will form a batter, an adhesive, a paste.
(It is important to note you can call it whatever you’d like)
There is a meditation in the ripping of newspaper, the repetitive tearing of something whole into strips.
(You can become unaware of the routine of it all, if you do it long enough)
Petroleum jelly will keep it from adhering to your skin, but be careful to keep your hair pulled away.
(It may be difficult to remove if it entangles with any strands of you)
The dipped paper will dry in a perfect replica of the contours of your face; press it down, smooth it out.
(Don’t worry, you’re still there underneath the layers)
The Ingenuity of Overthinking
Turning all of these thoughts into creative inspiration
If you write or create something based on this prompt and you decide to post it on Instagram or TikTok, please tag @frietzke and use #promptsonthefritz so I can see what you’ve created.
In honor of my new found acceptance of the word loving creative that I am, I thought we could use some of my favorite lines from the books I read in May as prompts.
If you write or create something based on this prompt and you decide to post it on Instagram or TikTok, please tag “@frietzke” and use #promptsonthefritz so I can see what you’ve created.
Thank you so much for reading (or listening). I truly appreciate each and every one of you. Feel free to leave a comment about any thoughts this made you think.